Delete her number.
Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her.
Erase her name from your memory. Remove yourself from her life…more completely than you would like, but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. You don’t get to think about her lips or how she squeezes your hand tight in her sleep to give herself reassurance of your presence. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume or that she loves you.
She loves you & she has been in love with you for quite some time.
Forget how she says your name, forget how she calls, screams your name. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how cute she looks in your shirts.
Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another, sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want.
Yet, it is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. Not fair for you to say you are satisfied with things as they are and you’ll have time to figure it out later.
Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into people who deserve her.
Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time.
Do you think about her, the other one, as well?
Don’t tell her there is going to be a right moment. She should never have to wait for that.
What you are telling her is that you want to keep her as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her when you find that no one else has stuck around, or that those who have, are less interesting than you.
This girl, she has been there for you, almost as long as you have known her.
If you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later.
She is the fire and you are the ice. You are terrified to let her go, but fearful of commitment. You are afraid she is too much for you, that you will choke on her flames.
Neither fire, nor ice can rise over one another. They exist in harmony, and to each their own.
They were never created in hopes that they would find each other, but that is the funny thing about life..two beings, equally destructive. Alike in many ways, yet different in thousands. They find peace in each other.
They don’t need each other, but pretend as if they do, in fear that the other will find peace somewhere else.
My parents need to understand that I’m not fucking happy like I used to be, I need space and I like being alone